Family matters

I can finally, oficially announce that I will be an auntie yet again!!  My baby brother is having a little girl in September! :)  Well, his beautiful wife, Charity, is!  :)  We are thrilled for them!!  I have to include this photo (sorry if this is not okay with you bro...it's always more fun to beg forgiveness than ask permission) of the cutest couple:

Did you just roll your eyes?  Because I did.  I went through the dozens of stinkin' adorable photos they have, and I started to ask myself if I could really love a sister-in-law who is THAT pretty....lol.  ;)  [I tried to find one that wasn't so perfect, to no avail.]  Then I knew, "Of course I can!  She is just as pretty in the INSIDE!"  I LOVE YOU CHARITY!  

Won't my NIECE be amazing?!?!  This will be my first NIECE, so I am stoked.  All those adorable places like Couture Blessings, Marina's Monogramming, etc that I have always wanted to spend a fortune at...well now I can!

Chet is the baby of his family, which means that the nephews and niece we have on his side are it.  No mas nephews and nieces from the Erwin side.  (Unless we all are in for a big surprise one day ha!)    My twin has two PRECIOUS sons, who are apples of my eyes, but their family is complete.  So I now have to rely on Joel and Charity for any additional auntie surprises! :) 

I look forward to 9-10-11 (or whenever God wants her to arrive) to hold and kiss my little niece.

Hope Mommies & Impending Mother's Day

I suppose two blogs in one evening is quite a bit.  Sorry.

But God knows what's best for His kids...and since I am one of them, He gave me a HUGE gift this evening that I think I need to share:

My "Prayer Partner" from Chicago just emailed me.  This might seem insignificant, but the prayer ministry set up by Hope Mommies is truly unbelievable.  There are people all over this globe, interceding for Hope Moms.  Something Carla said was that I have a wonderful support system through our friends and family.  She is so right!  So much so, that I feel a little selfish to receive a Prayer Partner as amazing as Carla.  I am truly blessed and beyond grateful for another person willing to take time out of her life to pray and love someone she has never met (me/us).

"pray for each other so that you may be healed.  The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." James 5:16 (one of my favorite verses in the entire Bible)


I know a bad day can be changed by an act of kindness.  Our youth pastor is leading a home study over the book Forgotten God by Francis Chan.  I read the first couple of chapters last night and realized I all-to-often minimize the Holy Spirit in my life.  My mind 'places' Him in a little box; one that has "human" boundaries.  Our limitLESS Holy Spirit has once again given me Comfort through my new friend Carla.


Mother's Day is coming up, and I know it is a day that is bittersweet for all moms who have lost their children.  Hope Mommies is offering a beautiful gift (that I was extremely privileged to preview) for those who would like a way to love and support a Hope Mom they know this May 8th.  I was breathless when I saw the painting, and I know it will leave other Hope Moms feeling the same way.  Erin shared this, "One special way we want to do this for you this year is for Mother's Day. A very talented and dear friend of mine has painted something beautiful, designed for us - it is the depiction of our story. I earnestly want each of you to have one! You can read more about the painting at http://hopemommies.org/products-page/mothers-day/."  

PLEASE check out Hope Mommies and the POWERFUL ways this ministry is sharing His LOVE, PEACE and COMFORT.

We give thanks to God always for you all, making mention of you in our prayers, remembering without ceasing your work of faith, labor of love, and patience of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ in the sight of our God and Father.  1 Thessalonians 1:2-3

I feel detached lately.  I sometimes think deep pain is better than complete forgetfulness.  I'm writing this blog from the cemetery.  I'm sitting on a pile of dirt, where only a few feet under me lays the body of my child.  I felt that I needed to come here to clear my head and pray.  Kelly reminded me today that the Word is the only true comfort we can get, so here I sit about to read some Psalms.  It's surreal to sit on top of ground that holds the body of your baby.  

Is this a normal phase of healing?  (What is normal any ways?)

I saw a pregnant friend yesterday and I thought to myself, "I wonder what it feels like to be pregnant?"  The fact that I had been pregnant before mysteriously did not cross my mind the whole time I stared at my cute friend.  Her belly and smile made me wonder how it must feel to anticipate a child and experience it's miraculous growth.    

And that is why my wonderful day ended in tears last night.  Maybe I am crazier than I thought I was?  How is it that I can go three or four minutes without even the faintest feeling of remembering my pregnancy?  I laid in bed and tried to remember the happiness of last year.
  
I would have gladly traded my usual "recoil a little at pregnancies-reaction", for the complete loss of memory I had yesterday.  7 1/2 months isn't even far away, yet I am having a really difficult time conjuring up the feelings I had just last year at this time.  The memory of a baby kicking me almost seems like a far away dream.    

Hmph. So I am basically just writing today to console my heart.  To remind myself that I was pregnant.  I did enjoy the ultrasounds, kicks, appetite, choosing a name, praying over someone only I could feel.  

This weekend someone said that Chet and I are missing out on kids, and that we should have them.  (Or something like that.  I was lost at "they should have kids.")  Thankfully, even though probably not the most wonderful thing to hear, it did make me grateful that I still have feelings and knee-jerk reactions to statements about our child(ren).  I was relieved to be cognizant of my emotions.  Being detached is far more aggravating than getting worked up over a thoughtless comment.

The Psalms already have me feeling better.  This verse gave me peace: For a thousand years in thy sight are but as yesterday when it is past. Psalm 90:4  I know our time on earth is such a blink in comparison with eternity.  

My heart is lighter.

I truly do not know how people grieve without Jesus.  Without our mighty Comforter, I would be am even bigger mess.  

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Hungry

My first thoughts as I read Luke 4 this evening, were that I was thankful for another reminder that our Savior came as a Man, who had the same feelings and emotions we do.  I often make God out to be this "non-formative being" who is too different to really understand.  But He felt hunger and thirst just like we do.

He was even tempted like us.  The One who created Satan, was tempted by him.  That is just how human He was.

Okay, as my coworkers know, I can barely go 40 minutes without snacking.  You don't really want to be in contact with me if I am 8 hours from my last bite.  I hate to admit this, but I am one of the only Christians I know who has never fasted.  My kind of fasting are the hours between dinner and breakfast, and I never, ever skip breakfast.

Jesus did not eat for 40 days!  After being as faint as anyone would be after not eating for 40 days, He was offered the entire world (on top of some food) if he would worship the devil.  We all know Jesus did not worship the devil, even in the extremely weak condition He was in.

And then Jesus had to resist the devil as he tempted Him even more.

I read this passage several times tonight and thought about what kind of struggle that must have been.  How easy would it have been to make a choice to eat?  How about the choice to show off how powerful He was by jumping off the pinnacle?

This passage depicts what kind of strength we can draw from God.  Jesus was born a human being.  He understands our every thought, emotion and feeling.  As much as it seems that He has forsaken me at times, I know He hasn't.

In my weakness, He is strong.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  2 Corinthians 12:9

The littlest things

That is the devotional page for Holden's birthday in my dear friend's devotional.  God is so amazingly caring, even about the little things...like knowing I would need this 7 months after August 28th.