Happy 6 Months

Dear Holden,


I had a difficult time typing "Happy" on today's blog title.  I thought I would just write "6 Months", since I have not exactly felt happy thinking about your 1/2 year mark in heaven this week.  But then I thought about you sweetheart.   You are happy, sweet son.  You have never been anything but happy.  So I am glad I can wish you a Happy 1/2 Year Birthday tomorrow! 


There has been so much good coming from your life in the last 1/2 year.  I remember the first time someone told me that good things were happening because of you, I was upset.  I wanted to tell that person that I would rather have you HERE with me than any good that they could perceive from you not being here.  But you know what?  Your daddy and I can sit here today and be thankful for the beauty that has come from the worst thing that has ever happened to us.  


Because of your little life, about 36,000 people are given the opportunity to live another healthy day because they can drink clean water.  


I love you.  I can't ever say that enough.  Happy 6 Months in heaven to the little boy we love more than words.  The little boy who has changed our lives.


~Daddy & Mommy

Holden's Auntie Charys made this beautiful card for us.

This week has been really tough for me.  I wish I could say the exact opposite; that I was strong enough to really enjoy the week.  But I just can't.  6 months is such a definitive marker; 1/2 year from when we held our son, and 1/2 a year away from that moment.

Thankfully, I have been given a lot of peace today.  Our God does not make sense, but He does give us the strength to make it through.

Let's see.  My mind is a little numb for the right words, so I'll just list some of the things that have happened over the past 6 months.

• I love God more today than I did 6 months ago.  If you would have asked me on August 27th if I would love God if He were to take my son to heaven, I would likely have said no.  Maybe even heck no.  (That's just the cold, honest truth.)  Yet, He is so merciful to my heart...and has given me more peace, love and blessings than I can write.  He gives me HOPE daily...and renews my strength...every.single.day.

• Chet and I are a different couple.  I am humbled and grateful for it.

• Thousands of people who weren't drinking clean water 6 months ago, are filling their bodies with life-sustaining water.  Really, I don't even know what to say about it all.  I still wake up with the feeling that it is so surreal that we get to be a small part of this giant plan.  It's a privilege I will never take for granted.  

• I have had the amazing opportunity to meet other families who have dealt with the death of a baby, and witness the Lord restoring hope in their lives.   

• I am running.  I know that really isn't big in the scheme of things, but to me it is.  I have NEVER been an athlete or in shape.  As I struggle through each mile, I think about a little chunky-cheeked boy who is really behind all of it.  I would have given up many times, if I did not believe that EVERY single person deserves to drink clean water.  

Tomorrow we are going to release balloons to celebrate.  Celebrate the GLORY that our son is experiencing.  Celebrate the GOOD that He is doing.

It is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill His good purpose.  Philippians 2:13

Run for water

Hello friends and family,

I have such an exciting announcement.  Drum roll please! ~~~~~

Thanks to a dear friend of ours, Amy Marson, on August 27, 2011 there will be the first OFFICIAL Holden Uganda Run!!!   The run will be held in the beautiful city of Fayetteville, North Carolina.  (Check out this site to learn more about how cool it is!)

Of course I will be posting MORE information these next 6 months, but I just HAD to spread the amazing news.  I don't know if there is anyone from North Carolina (or surrounding states) who reads my blog, but I think it would be awesome to run with you, if so.

So let's hit the streets.  The trails.  The treadmills.  We've got water wells to build.

I can't think of a better way to celebrate our son's first year in heaven, than to run for clean water.  I really, really, really hope you join us.

Even Chet is running.

For reals.

:)  I have so much JOY tonight.

My Story

Community 40 or "C-40" was completely different than what I was expecting.  To be honest, I actually don't really know what I was expecting.  A weekend of sleepless nights?  A weekend of twelve teenage girls sharing a bathroom (yikes)?   Some worship and games?  I don't really know.

Turns out, this weekend was one of the greatest blessings in my life.  To see nearly 150 teens worship together, kneel before an alter in dedication to the Lord, have fun together and seek Him out was powerful.

Chet and I were beyond blessed to get to host 8 beautiful girls in our home.  They are all such precious girls that I know the Lord is molding into His vessels.  They made me search my heart and reasons why I love Him deeper.  I have never sat in front of a small group of teens who skipped all "surface level" questions and just got down to the realness of who God is.  Wow.

Our group's college leader, Courtney, blew my mind away.  I think back to my college years and know I was nowhere near the leader she is.  She cared through and through for the young ladies, and I loved to listen to Him speaking through her.  Seriously, I can't believe we were so blessed to be in the presence of the 8 young ladies and Courtney all weekend.

The weekend's theme was our "Story"; the teens were challenged to live their "Stories" to serve Him, and leave a legacy that gives Him the glory.  I was probably just as challenged as the teens.  I was that awkward "host home old lady" sitting at the front with our group.  I couldn't help but to be amazed and thankful to see the beautiful work He was doing in the lives of the teens.  Philippians 1:6 being lived out.

Seventh Day Slumber led worship over the weekend; simply powerful.  I have listened to a lot of bands in my life, and many Christian bands live, but Seventh Day Slumber just made their way to the top of my selective list.  The lead singer, Joseph Rojas, shared his gripping testimony to the captivated audience.  His Story gives his Saviour glory.

Tonight, I am moved to live my Story as a reflection of the grace, mercy and love He pours out on me.  

Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith, who for joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Hebrews 12:2

From the Inside Out by Seventh Day Slumber

A thousand times I've failed

Still your mercy remains

And If I stumble again

I'm caught in our grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine

When all else fails

Neverending, your glory goes

Beyond all fame

My heart and my soul

I give You control

Consume me from the inside out Lord

Let justice and praise

Become my embrace

To love You from the inside out

Your will above all else

My purpose remains

The art of losing myself

In bringing You praise

Everlasting, Your light will shine

When all else fails

Never-ending, your glory goes

Beyond all fame

My heart and my soul

I give You control

Consume me from the inside out Lord

Let justice and praise

Become my embrace

To love You from the inside out

Everlasting, Your light will shine

When all else fails

Never-ending, Your glory goes

Beyond all fame

And the cry of my heart

Is to bring You praise

From the inside out

Lord my soul cries out

Run for fun

Ha...I kid.  I don't really run for fun.  (And I use the term "run" liberally, as my pace betrays me.)

I believe that even the people "addicted to running", really don't actually think it's fun.  They just do it because they know they should. 

I still hate running, but now it's more of a love/hate relationship, and I can feel a little improvement in my breathing and muscles.  I am giving a lot of credit to our running trainer, Allison. I also thank my sweet running girlfriends, Vanessa, Kali and Kasey, who are my accountability partners.  I am running for two causes now, which makes it SO much more tolerable!!

Let me just tell you.  I should have someone photograph my "run face".  I was running with Erin and she asked me if I was okay.  I was running on the street in Snyder and had several people ask me the next day if I was okay when I was running.  I have to ask people to not comment on my face while I run.  It's bad; I just have a gnarly face when I run that expresses my feelings well. 

I am running the St. Patrick's Day 10K on March 12th for the Scott & White Children's Hospital and Children's Miracle Network.  We are on Team Landry's Legacy, so I cannot wait to run in honor of this precious boy.  Please help us as we raise money for the NICU.
http://www.helpmakemiracles.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.participant&eventID=787&participantID=49355

I am also running the Rock n Roll 1/2 Marathon in Dallas (YES, that is 13 miles) on March 27th.  (I ask myself why a lot.  Well, every single time I run actually.)  But now I am raising money for Holden Uganda, so it's a little better to think about.  A $1 per mile pledge would change a few lives.  How cool is it that $13 can share a lot of love?  Plus, it'll make me a lot more excited at 5pm after work each day, as I lace up my running shoes.  ;)
http://holdenuganda.org/www.holdenuganda.org/Donate_Purchase.html 

Running is such an odd thing for me.  I wouldn't even be running if it weren't for Holden's life the way it is.  We did get a really cool running stroller (thanks to my shower hostesses), but I doubt I would be running like this with it. 

I have exciting news about an official HOLDEN UGANDA RUN in North Carolina coming very soon!! 

Notice the girl running sideways?  The one with the funky bangs?  Oh, and that outfit?  ;)

I'll leave you with that!

John 3:16

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Arguably one of the most 'popular' verses, yet it cannot be stated enough.  It is the very core of who we are as believers, and who God is.  It is why we live.  It is grace and love undefined.  It is mercy that makes no sense.  It is why we will meet Holden again.  It also happens to be on the cover of a very special gift we received in the mail yesterday.  I read it several times and thought about what it really means to me, before I could even open the gift: a scrapbook of Holden's life. 

I take those precious words for granted all too often.  We have ETERNAL LIFE.  It is almost too much to even grasp.  We have eternal life because Jesus came sinless and willing to bear our wretched sin.  It is such a weighty and undeserved promise.  I was just grateful for that alone, and in fact started crying just reading that...  The contents could have been empty and I would have been moved. 

But they weren't.

Back story for a moment: my sister is a scrapbooking queen.  She teaches scrapbooking.  For reals.  We might not be related.  She puts me to shame in all things womanly - crafting, decorating, cooking, baking, card making, cooking for others, well...everything basically.  She stole that in the womb, you know; it's not all my fault.  ;)  I have longingly browsed through her closet full of scrapbooks, just wishing I was a good enough mom to make even one for my son.  (By the way, Charys made a scrapbook for Holden before he was born with a page for each month up until his first year birthday.  It's so precious to me, that it makes me too sad to even look at right now; the love Holden's auntie has always had for him is really astounding.  One day I will open it back up.)  Then, at the Hope Mommies retreat, many of the moms brought beautiful scrapbooks of their sweet Hope Babies.  I came back to Snyder saying that no matter what, I was going to create a scrapbook for our firstborn.  When you are only left with photos and memories, it makes a scrapbook an even greater treasure. 

So I opened the pages of this dear gift.

Photos are coming soon to convey what I cannot.

It is a labor of love like no other.  A friend I have never met and did not know anything about, spent hours (very costly hours, since she is a mom to 5 of her own children) creating these pages.  Tia, thank you from the very bottom of our hearts.  As Chet and I sat together tonight, going through the photos for each page, it was one of the sweetest memories I will ever have.

Tia you are a treasure to our family.  Thank you.  I look forward to meeting you to give you a giant hug...a hug that will mean more than anything I can type.  I love you.