Monday, March 28, 2011


Dear Holden,

You have spent 7 earthly months in the presence of God.  As I write this, I try to summon up the imagination of what that actually means.  Son, you are with the One who created you, and the only One who can love you more than your Daddy and I do.  That thought is a little tough for me to process, even still.  It's astounding that He loves you more than I love you.  But because He does, I am writing this letter to you with joy in my heart.

Paradise is what you were created for.  It is what was set out for your life before this earth was even formed.  You were not created to live in our arms on this painful, hurting earth.  Jesus had huge plans for you, sweet firstborn.  

I still cry sometimes when I pray about you and when I talk about you.  I still want you to be in my arms.  I still ache to look into your green eyes and tell you I love you.  (Daddy and I have voted that you probably have green eyes.  I dream of the day we will know if we are right on this.) But today is different than 7 months ago.  Today I have less pain, because I am in a better place of focusing on God's plans for you.  

7 is my favorite number.  It is an extra special celebration.  These are 7 things I love about you:
  • You have felt only joy 
  • You make me smile more and more each day
  • You have left a legacy that has helped to save thousands of lives here on earth
  • You have helped strengthen my walk with Jesus
  • You are the most beautiful person I have ever met.  Your chunky face is so cute!
  • You will always be our special firstborn son
  • You have given me a reason to love more
Your Daddy and I thank the Lord for you every night together.  I know we will thank Him for you every day for the rest of our lives.  I love you more than I can write.  I think you know this, and that Jesus has been sharing our letters to you.

Until I can look into your beautiful eyes and tell you how much I love you, I will praise the One who created you.