5 things that have changed in my life over these past 5 months:
1. God wants all of us. Not 90%. He desires 100%! He seeks us out, and loves us infinitely.
2. Even when it feels like He's hurt us, His overall plans are perfect for our lives. He turns the darkest ashes into light and beauty.
3. Heaven is more awesome than I ever thought it was! Satan wants us to believe it's not something to live every day here on earth seeking for, but rather a strange, far-away place we wouldn't really want to share with anyone. Eternity is what matters. Not this little blink. The best of what is on this earth is just a tiny picture of what the Lord has in store for us.
4. Stuff doesn't matter. People do. I hope to invent myself more into the lives of others!
5. Prayer is a genuine conversation with our Jesus, that does change lives. It is not a nice speech at a pulpit or a practiced and rehearsed poem before a meal.
5 months. Almost 1/2 a year. I can already see changes in our healing over the past 5 months. I know our God's plans are great.
When I woke up, I remembered that today was the day that we had wanted to build a well by, if at all possible. In my email inbox was yet another set of completed well photos. That's a perfect birthday gift for our baby, I think!
Well, I'm writing this on my phone in bed, due to the flu (official diagnosis), so I better sign out before I decide to edit.
Due to a very dear friend losing her daddy this past week, I have once again given heaven even more thought than usual. Stanley's service was a beautiful reminder of what is to come for us, and what everyone already there is experiencing.
The more I dwell on heaven, the more blessed I feel. I have written about heaven almost daily, since Holden passed. I read the book Heaven by Randy Alcorn (thank you Heidi for the copy), as well as several other books about heaven. I am certain of this: the more I study heaven, the more it becomes "real"; not just a silly place we will all look like ghosts, be mindless, and float around in. Coming from someone who thinks harp music is okay, at best, my vision of heaven was a little skewed before all the studying I have done. The heaven I envisioned before is not somewhere that I would truly seek out in my daily life.
Heaven consumes my thoughts so much, because it is where my child is. If there were no heaven, I would pretty much be institutionalized. Literally. Without the hope of meeting my son again, I don't know where I would be. To be honest, I don't know how any mother who does not have this hope, does not just give up on life altogether.
So today I am rejoicing in the fact that my baby is experiencing all the good we can only imagine. I would never take that from him. And he has a "Papaw" to "teach him the ropes" right now.
Stormy, James Allen, Reese, Asher and Nanoo placed some of Stanley's flowers on Holden's spot. Aren't they pretty?
Chet discovered them when he went out there to place the vase on it that we got in.
Our household has been down and out with a serious bug of some sort for the past couple of days. I have never, ever felt like this. My temp is down to 101.5 now, so I guess I am on the mend. ? Or so I hope...Chet's hero status in my book just keeps growing and growing. Even though he too is sick, he is trying to stay on top of Holden Uganda stuff and basic housework.
Back to bed.
I will be getting back to a more normal schedule hopefully this week. I haven't run in 4 days, and my house looked like 20 elephants lived here this weekend.
My heart has sang Enough by Barlow Girl, over and over today. Sometimes I just need a reminder that no matter what is going on, HE is enough. Plain and simple.
All of You is more than enough for All of me for every thirst and every need You satisfy me with Your love And all I have in You Is more than enough You are my supply My breath of life Still more awesome than I know You are my reward Worth living for Still more awesome than I know Cuz All of you is more than enough for all of me for every thirst and every need you satisfy me with your love and all I have in you is more than enough You're my sacrifice of greatest price Still more awesome than I know You're my coming King You're everything Still more awesome than I know All of you is more than enough for all of me for every thirst and every need you satisfy me with your love and all I have in you All of you is more than enough for all of me for every thirst and every need you satisfy me with your love and all I have in you is more than enough Your enough, your enough, your enough for me your enough, your enough, your enough for me your enough, your enough, your enough for me your enough, your enough, your enough for me your enough, your enough, your enough for me your enough, your enough, your enough for me your enough, your enough, your enough for me your enough, your enough, your enough for me your enough, your enough, your enough for me
I heard that phrase while going through several blogs. It is exactly how I feel; extraordinarily poignant.
I know people have told me countless times, "But you are a mom!" I really do believe that yes, I birthed Holden, so I am his "mom", but I just don't feel like a mom. A mom gets to mother her children. Care for them. Feed them. Cloth them. Kiss them. Take away their hurt. Laugh with them. Talk to them. So I appreciate the great effort all of my friends have gone through to try to make me feel like a Mom (because it means a lot), but I just don't feel it. Not today.
Sometimes I feel more like a "mom" to students of mine, than to Holden. It's strange.
Some days are just simply harder than others, even when I try to be positive.
I was just sitting down to write about Martin Luther King, Jr., when I read Chelsea's blog. I think her blog is one of the best compilation of MLK's quotes; but even more, it was so neat to read of her three daughters learning about him. Enjoy her beautiful blog.
I am so grateful for brave people who have willingly stood up against the popular crowd throughout history, to do what is RIGHT. We remember you, Martin Luther King, Jr.
One day, our family will probably consist of little black and white children. All children of the Lord though. :)
I woke up this morning to a foggy, wet view, a rare one in West Texas. I thought today would be a perfect day to slip on a pair of lounge pants, Tech sweatshirt and fuzzy socks. It would be the perfect day to catch up on thank you cards, emails and any other Holden Uganda stuff that has been screaming at me for quite some time. (Note, if you are reading this and haven't received a thank you from me, it's on the way. I promise...just not at the speed I'd like for it to be.) I didn't even think I'd take a run today....nope, just snuggle inside and get caught up.
I was most excited about the prospect of more quiet time than usual, since, thanks to Martin Luther King Jr., I have the day off. Bible, books, etc. The day would be wonderful.
Before realizing my fabulous plans for the day were pretty much shot by 9am, I did get a chance to read through some Scripture. Lately, I have really loved Isaiah and Romans. They have always been two of my favorite books, but in the last few months, they are even more amazing to my soul. But today, I decided to read through Song of Solomon. I don't really know what made me choose this romantic, short book, but I am glad I did.
Solomon's love for his wife is a representation of our Savior's love for us. Verse 8:7 says, "Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away. If one were to give all the wealth of one's house for love, it would be utterly scorned." What a thought to know our Savior loves us even more than a husband can ever love his wife. I read that verse about 12 times this morning and let it sink in. Love is something humans cannot exist without.
The Book that I read that out of, is one I actually thought I had to "make time" for in my schedule this week. Yet, it is the Book that millions upon millions have died for... to read, possess and believe. It is the Word that became Flesh (Jesus Christ). It is the inspired, inherent Word of God. I am so blessed to receive the free comfort from it every single day, at my own leisure. Any time, any moment, any way I want. Yet, because of this freedom, I take it for granted.
Being the #1 best seller in all of history is pretty impressive. Surviving thousands of years, in nearly the exact text, is pretty awesome. But all that doesn't quite speak wonders to me as the fact that there has never been another book that MILLIONS of people have willingly given up their lives for. Obviously the Words have power.
World peace would already exist if nearly 7 billion people lived by 10 simple commandments. Powerful, huh?
Imagine the peace, comfort and joy it gives you. Imagine how it changes every thought and action. What are some of the verses that have spoken to you recently?
I get to wake up each day next to my very best friend Chet, who I married on June 6, 2008.
We were blessed with our firstborn child on August 28, 2010. Holden Newell had already gone to be with Jesus when he was born, but his life has changed us forever.
Our second sweet little blessing, Grey Danelle, arrived on March 22, 2012 (World Water Day).
We were given the extreme honor of being parents to our third, precious Rose Catherine through the gift of adoption, born on December 23, 2013.
Our daughters have captured our hearts in every way, and both are such testaments of the Lord's goodness to us. I was created and put on this earth to be their Mommy, and through that I daily realize how blessed beyond measure I am.
This is our family journal of our ordinary life that is blessed in an extraordinary way.