Dangerous Surrender

When I reflect over 2010 in our lives (I do this nearly every single day lately), I am just filled with so many emotions and thoughts, it makes me get writer's block.  It's like a crammed roadway in Austin, where you just can't seem to see your correct exit (speaking from personal experience).  My brain is on overload.

2010 was a blessed year.
A beautiful year.
The hardest year in my 27.
The most life-changing year.

2010 is a year that makes me cry every time I think about.  Not all of the tears are sad tears though.

Usually around this time in December I am journaling about what growth, or lack of growth, the year has held for me.  I don't know if I can even truly journal all of my thoughts about this year.

My boss mentioned yesterday, that we can never plan our lives out, and that nobody has, or can.  I have started to journal on  paper (very personal) about the road the Lord allowed us to travel this year.  I think that I would gladly have traded our road for a non-moving lane in Austin most days.  But if I were to trade what the Lord has given me, to take the easy detour, then I would certainly be missing His amazing blessings in store.  So I decide (well, I suppose I am forced to) keep going straight on this road.

Now I don't believe that our journey is any more difficult than another persons.  It is just difficult for us.  It is not what I was journaling about last year at this time.  I reflected on December 31st of 2009.  We had known about our baby for one day.  At that time I had journaled and prayed about asking the Lord to help us become the best parents possible, to keep our baby safe, to dedicate our child to Him and serve Him more with our lives.  But I did not know the depth of those prayers.  I did not realize how painful it might be to live in His answer, an answer I was not expecting at all.

What I do know is this.  It took me 12 months to see that when we dangerously surrender our lives to Him, He will return more glory to them than we can even imagine.  I am ready for the glory of 2011.