Monday, April 16, 2012

Late Nights

Last night, Grey and I were up all night together, and these kinds of nights are pretty commonplace lately.  Her tummy was upset (and allergies are still a battle we fight), and then once we got her feeling better, she wanted to stay up and "talk" (i.e. stare and coo and be the cutest thing on the planet).  I kept gazing at my daughter, realizing how I have been so ready for these nights for the last three years.  It is such a gift and blessing to be able to spend hours with her.

It would be a lie to say I wasn't tired exhausted, oh there a word for new parent kind of exhaustion?...or wishing she would sleep just a little, but I kept thinking about how three weeks after Holden died I was up all night for the very opposite reason.  I ached to be holding a baby in my arms. bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.  Isaiah 61:3  I remember a time that despair and mourning were part of my life.  

Grey's sweet little face still makes my heart leap.  I feel like a crying mess lately.  She makes me cry the happiest tears several times a day.  What a gift that God would allow me to be her mother.  We are entrusted with such a precious life, and I pray each day that we give Grey unconditional love and raise her to honor the Lord in all she does.  

It could be the mom in me saying this, but I do believe Grey enjoys reading.  We try to read a book or two a day, and read out of the Jesus Storybook Bible during several feedings.  Grey always seems so "enthralled" by books and even reaches for them when we turn the pages.

I have been reminding myself several times daily to enjoy each moment to the fullest.  I find myself getting sad when she grows and changes so fast, so I am working on being "in today" more, instead of dwelling on the past.  The days and weeks seem to be flying past at the speed of light.  Grey will be four weeks old this week, and I cannot imagine our life without her.  I take so many pictures of her, I think Facebook will soon send me a notice that I have hit some sort of limit. ;)  I want to capture every stage of her sweet little life.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.  James 1:17  

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