Sunday, October 10, 2010

6 Weeks

Our little Holden was born six weeks ago.  This would've been a big weekend for us, had Holden lived on earth.  At 6 weeks, I would have been deciding if I wanted to go back to work or stay home a little longer.  I can say that I would have certainly, without a doubt, decided to take the full twelve weeks off, after meeting someone I love with indescribable love.  

Saturday I woke up with the thought that I can't believe I actually contemplated being able to go back to work after six weeks!  But then I wondered if I would have appreciated every single moment as much as I would now?  My sweet little boy has really made me appreciate every aspect of life so much more. 

Tonight I can't even muster up the words to say all I'm thinking.  I miss my baby so, so very much.

Don't tell me "things happen for a reason."
Don't tell me to "keep busy" and "move on."
Don't tell me that you "know exactly how I feel."
Don't tell me that it was "too hard" for YOU to talk to ME about the death of MY baby boy.
Don't tell me that YOU feel "uncomfortable"looking at his picture or calling me on his birthday."
Don't ask me about other children.
Don't SAY anything to try to make me feel better.
Hug me.
Listen to me.
Sit quietly with me.
Let me cry.
Smile when you look at his picture.
Help me plant a tree in his memory.
Allow me to sit in the rocking chair in the nursery.
Light a candle.
Release a balloon.
Walk with me on my journey.
Remember him forever.
~author unknown


  1. My heart aches for you tonight and every day because I know exactly what you are going through. I will pray that God continues to comfort your broken heart I love that poem because I think those thoughts a lot.
    You are such an amazing woman, Sarah. I am blessed to have found your blog

  2. Oh wow, Sarah! This poem really does say it all except for one thing, "When are you going to get pregnant?" I just wish that people would realize that you only need their love at this time. Not their unsolicited advice! I have been horrified by some of the comments you and Chet have received since the birth and loss of sweet baby Holden! You and Chet are a highly intelligent, Christian couple who are praying through the greatest tragedy any parents could ever imagine, and I know that you two will seek out any additional help you may need in the future! Please don't let these horrendous remarks shake your faith in Your God! I am so very proud of the way you two have walked with grace and mercy through this tragedy! I will ALWAYS be here for the two of you! Love you both so much!! ~Tisha

  3. I love you Sarah.

  4. Beautifully said Sarah! I think about you every day! I love reading your blog! It makes me smile everytime I do! Thank you for being such a wonderful person!

  5. I won't say anything except I pray God sends you comfort with his love and holds you when you are in need and no one else can.

  6. You are all so amazingly precious! I love you! Thank you for your hearts...they are all so kind to us.