Captivated

I am captivated by my Savior.  His love is greater than I can fathom.  This challenges me every day.  

My mind is jumbled with so much. My heart is tugged and pulled. I am at a bit of a loss for the right words. Good thing I admit my lack of adequately describing my heart on paper.

I've spent this week almost shoving what Jesus has laid on my heart in my little "Sarah corner".  It's easier that way.  I can just lie in my own pity party, right?  I have the "right" to ignore what I know I should do.  I mean, I lost my child.  Doesn't that give me leeway for 'disobeying'?  I don't want to leave my comfort zone.  His plans are not easy sometimes.  His plans will make my little life as I know it drastically changed.  Excuses have come off my tongue each time Chet and I pray about this.  "We can't do that. We don't have the money. We don't have the time. We don't have the resources."  Really?  The Almighty God who created and owns the entire universe is speaking to me...and I'm worried about those things? 

Excuses are not okay.  God will never accept them.  My heart tells me my small plans are not even worthy of being in the same sentence as His mighty perfect plans.

On three separate occasions this week Chet and I have been moved to be more compassionate towards Jesus' orphaned children.  Since before we got married, we have known orphan care was in our lives.  We've just always said "one day".  This story is not complete and not public blog material, but I ask for your prayers.  Specifically your prayers to help me let Christ lead my life; less of Sarah, more of You, Lord.

I am against the "feeling" led movements.  I know my human emotions are too riddled with Sarah's feelings.  I want our decisions to be God's plans.  Not plans we make because of a "good fuzzy feeling".  Not because it's the "cool" thing to do.  Not because of moving, terribly sad statistics about orphans.

Compassion towards Jesus' children is not a "Plan B" for Chet and me.  So please don't ask me or comment about that.  Thanks in advanced.  :)


What could be better than having a 13 year-old nephew challenge your faith?  As Chet and I have prayed a lot this week about the next steps in our life, about orphan care, and about letting Him lead us....
We met Carrie and Trey and their boys for the Max Lucado/Third Day/Michael W. Smith/TobyMac concert in Lubbock on Friday night.  During the intermission, J.R. mentioned feeling called to go to Africa and share God's love.  Well!  No hiding from God, huh? 

Would Chet and I be praying about all this as much, had we been holding our almost 2 month-old in our arms?  Possibly?  Probably not.  Our son's life has been a gift from our Father, who loves us to a depth I cannot understand, to change our hearts and take us down a journey to live more for the eternal. 

I thought I'd make it through the whole concert without tears, but I just can't take me anywhere.  Michael W. Smith sang his new song Welcome Home:


I can’t believe that I’m here having to say goodbye
And I can barely see you through these tears I cry
I close my eyes

I can hear the sound
As angels gather ‘round
Saying this is where you belong
Welcome home

There are the days that my heart aches wishing you were here
But I know where you are the hurt and the pain disappear
There’s no more tears

What a lovely sound
Angels all around
Saying this is where you belong
Welcome home
Welcome home
Welcome home


Holden is where he belongs.  I am captivated by my God who counts each and every one of my tears.  


Oh, and read this...but only read if you want to be changed.  Disclaimer:  This is something you should not read at work:
http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com