Sunday, October 24, 2010


I am captivated by my Savior.  His love is greater than I can fathom.  This challenges me every day.  

My mind is jumbled with so much. My heart is tugged and pulled. I am at a bit of a loss for the right words. Good thing I admit my lack of adequately describing my heart on paper.

I've spent this week almost shoving what Jesus has laid on my heart in my little "Sarah corner".  It's easier that way.  I can just lie in my own pity party, right?  I have the "right" to ignore what I know I should do.  I mean, I lost my child.  Doesn't that give me leeway for 'disobeying'?  I don't want to leave my comfort zone.  His plans are not easy sometimes.  His plans will make my little life as I know it drastically changed.  Excuses have come off my tongue each time Chet and I pray about this.  "We can't do that. We don't have the money. We don't have the time. We don't have the resources."  Really?  The Almighty God who created and owns the entire universe is speaking to me...and I'm worried about those things? 

Excuses are not okay.  God will never accept them.  My heart tells me my small plans are not even worthy of being in the same sentence as His mighty perfect plans.

On three separate occasions this week Chet and I have been moved to be more compassionate towards Jesus' orphaned children.  Since before we got married, we have known orphan care was in our lives.  We've just always said "one day".  This story is not complete and not public blog material, but I ask for your prayers.  Specifically your prayers to help me let Christ lead my life; less of Sarah, more of You, Lord.

I am against the "feeling" led movements.  I know my human emotions are too riddled with Sarah's feelings.  I want our decisions to be God's plans.  Not plans we make because of a "good fuzzy feeling".  Not because it's the "cool" thing to do.  Not because of moving, terribly sad statistics about orphans.

Compassion towards Jesus' children is not a "Plan B" for Chet and me.  So please don't ask me or comment about that.  Thanks in advanced.  :)

What could be better than having a 13 year-old nephew challenge your faith?  As Chet and I have prayed a lot this week about the next steps in our life, about orphan care, and about letting Him lead us....
We met Carrie and Trey and their boys for the Max Lucado/Third Day/Michael W. Smith/TobyMac concert in Lubbock on Friday night.  During the intermission, J.R. mentioned feeling called to go to Africa and share God's love.  Well!  No hiding from God, huh? 

Would Chet and I be praying about all this as much, had we been holding our almost 2 month-old in our arms?  Possibly?  Probably not.  Our son's life has been a gift from our Father, who loves us to a depth I cannot understand, to change our hearts and take us down a journey to live more for the eternal. 

I thought I'd make it through the whole concert without tears, but I just can't take me anywhere.  Michael W. Smith sang his new song Welcome Home:

I can’t believe that I’m here having to say goodbye
And I can barely see you through these tears I cry
I close my eyes

I can hear the sound
As angels gather ‘round
Saying this is where you belong
Welcome home

There are the days that my heart aches wishing you were here
But I know where you are the hurt and the pain disappear
There’s no more tears

What a lovely sound
Angels all around
Saying this is where you belong
Welcome home
Welcome home
Welcome home

Holden is where he belongs.  I am captivated by my God who counts each and every one of my tears.  

Oh, and read this...but only read if you want to be changed.  Disclaimer:  This is something you should not read at work:


  1. I love you both and pray everyday for the Lord to guide you. I thank Him for your amazing faithfulness.

  2. I love you and I'm praying for you! God's nudge to step out in faith is a scary thing, and our comfort zones are hard to leave. Please let us know if there is anything we can specifically pray for.

  3. I love you and your heart. God IS speaking. And, I'm praying He makes His voice clear to you, but also comforting. Nothing has felt better in my ENTIRE life than following His call for orphans. It is a true walk of faith in every way. He will continue to be gentle with you as He leads you on this path. Oh, Sarah. He loves you so much. I love reading your words about how He captivates you with His love.

    When you have time, I want you to listen to my talk from last weekend. It sounds so much like the words you just wrote. God does something in us, when we are in our deepest of sorrows, and redeems what we have lost in such a beautiful breaking our hearts for those He loves and cares about who have no one to speak up for them.

    You know how I feel about this. So, I will be quiet now. Just know that I'm praying for you and Chet. For clarity, for confirmation, for quietness. Oh, my friend. We have GOT to find a day together soon!!

    Love you guys.

  4. And by the way, I love love love the song. Gonna have to get that one! So beautiful and so true.

  5. i just wanted to say that I was coming to read chelsea's comment on this post (maybe a little becuase I am nosey, but mostly because I think she is very wise as well and wanted to see what she has to say!) Did you know I "know" her too....well I didn't....until she lost chase. and don't you know she is the friend of a friend. friend called me...and I found her blog. so know we "know" each other:)

  6. oh yes, and the whole point to that was that i can't see your comments anymore...did you do this on purpose??? because i can't see your replies either!

  7. Thank you all so much! :) I am very grateful for the prayers! Just fyi...anyone who may be worried we are jumping into something due to the hormonal imbalance in my body...we are NOT making any decisions right now. lol Just prayers, for at least one year.