Sunday, October 31, 2010

My Little Pumpkin

My heart and prayers go out to all you mommies who had planned on having your "Little Pumpkins" today.  My very thoughtful cousin, Paula, bought Holden his first Halloween outfit (a pumpkin of course) back in January or February. We had saved it for today...

Today is the first real holiday we are without our son.  Since we miss Holden every day, to me this is just another day I am not holding my Little Pumpkin.

This morning, I thought that being the germ-a-phobe I am, I doubt he would've experienced many crowds this year.  That and he wouldn't be eating candy of course!  I was just missing my sweet boy for his first holiday, even though he wouldn't be exactly experiencing the holiday itself.  Those were my "deep thoughts"...but I did laugh at myself for thinking them.

We are hoping some little trick or treaters come by to fill their bags with all the candy we bought.  Last night we only had one goblin, so I am hoping that tonight is more popular down Lubbock Avenue!  Their happy, innocent children smiles and costumes always make me smile each year, and I am especially hoping to see their joy this year.

I think we mommies get our plans and hearts so set on all the wonderful things our babies will experience.  That is why I think I am having a more difficult time today than Chet.  I had so many big plans of dressing Holden up, taking cute fall pictures of him, etc.

I miss you with all of my being, Little Pumpkin.  One day we will get to see our Lil Pumpkins again.


  1. my heart echoes everything you said. praying for you, friend.

  2. I have been and am still where you are. It will be three years in December. Thinking of you and sending a hug your way.

  3. I do not know your happen, although my heart aches for you. Praying for you and your family as well.

  4. It's these days and these moments that are bittersweet. Thinking of you.

    Mary Beth

  5. I have a feeling the next two months are going to be bittersweet. My thoughts and prayers are often with you. Every word you type about Holden are always very similar to my own thoughts. I hope your heat is a little lighter today.

  6. Oh my goodness, my sisters and I were talking about this yesterday. I was having a sad moment yesterday of just wanting my little 13 month old cutie with me, dressed up in some cute boy-themed costume. And, I told them I hardly remember last Halloween. I realized as we talked, how deeply in a fog I was last year, as I grieved the "first holiday" without my little Chase. I know the feelings, Sarah, and I wish I could say they change after the first. I will be praying for these next two months. It is just so hard. And, you're exactly right. We imagine all of these moments with our little ones and it is so hard to walk through the moments without them. Praying for you.

  7. Thank you all for praying!! I am praying for you all too...these holidays without our sweet babies are just bittersweet and tough.